Vlan #67 (🇬🇧) How to approach your masculinity and be pro #metoo? with Jerry Hyde

JERRY : I think that came because I really didn’t like men. So when I started, I went and worked in a program for working with violent perpetrators, male perpetrators of domestic violence. I kind of went to apologize for being a man. I went to save women from these violent men. Very quickly, I discovered I had a huge amount of warmth, love and compassion for them. I recognized that I think most of their violence came from their complete inability to express. They had just no language to talk about their vulnerability other than violence. When I was a kid, I mean, I’m in my fifties, so I was raised in the sixties. I remember my father specifically telling me when I was going to school, if someone upsets you, just punch them, you attack them, you know, fight. But no one ever taught me the language of how to express what I felt, other than to fight. So then, you grow up and what are you going to do when you get into a relationship and that’s your training. I didn’t feel as judgmental of these men. I felt that they just needed to be given some alternative ways of communicating. The program was remarkably effective. Once you taught them how to communicate when they were hurt and even recognized, I think it wasn’t, you know, communication came second. I think even recognizing that they were hurt was a bit of a leap for a lot of guys. I think we’re so shut off from our emotions that violence is an obvious one sometimes.

GRÉGORY. : I feel that’s a complicated subject because feminism is so out there, and I guess the women are very much into this fight, and I call it a fight internationally because it’s really a fight for, there are different forms of feminism, many different forms. But the one that I see most of the time is that men’s are brutal. Men’s are like the demons, and we only talk about men like how complicated it is to be a man. I feel like there’s also a battle for men to have, because we explain to a little boy that they should not cry, that they should be strong with pain, that they should fight another adult, and they don’t assess their vulnerability. I had to read that book about vulnerability to actually understand. And even though I read it, I’m still having difficulties to cry myself, even though I’m by myself. So, it’s really embedded in me. How do you think men are hurt, or do you think it is because of the society ? What do you think about this battle between men and women ? I’m very interested into that.

JERRY : Yeah, I’m kind of oblivious to it. Someone else came and talked to me recently, and they were talking about this gender war. I thought, I didn’t know, I mean, I’m just sitting in my room talking to men. I don’t really invest in that kind of rhetoric. I’m not sure how much it serves to call it a battle or a war. I think that’s kind of inflammatory language. And I’m not, this is just my personal stance. I’m not really involved in gender politics. I’m just working with guys to try and the interesting thing that struck me for a long time is when I work with men, I usually do a lot of work in groups with them. I think what we’re doing is finding permission to be more involved in their feminine side because they sit and they cry and they express their emotions and they communicate. The kind of masculine side of us tends to isolate when we’re hurting, which I think is a problem. I’m not saying it’s wrong. A part of a great many spiritual practices is when you go off and you spend time really going inside. But if you really want to process it, then you come back and you communicate with a group. So my men’s groups are inviting men to really step into their femininity without it being labeled as such.